How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
