Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
