So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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