My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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