so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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