i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
