I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize