She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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