What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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