I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
