your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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