That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
