Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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