I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
