I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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