Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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