I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
