I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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