i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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