also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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