if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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