A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
