so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
im on a boat
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