Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
