im six kinds of drunk right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
