Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize