I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
