I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
