I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it's not cheating when I paid for it
either way he was missing a nipple.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
