Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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