Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
