I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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