How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
