My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
