Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
