my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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