Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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