ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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