It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
