I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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