Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
