Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
