Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
