Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this boner is exhausting
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
