I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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