Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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