There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
