Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize