I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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