ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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