They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
