so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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