Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
