before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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