mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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