are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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