I love black thongs
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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