youre lurking in front of me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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