final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
