defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
