We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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