dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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