The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
