discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
