So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
