Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
