You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
